Welcome to

the Body Image Breakdown!

 Hi Monica,

I’m not sure everyone knows - but

over 14 years ago, I had weight loss surgery. 

My eating disorder history alone should have disqualified me from this procedure. But even then, I knew the right things to say. 

I say this to acknowledge that back then, I had no buy in. I did not believe a life in a fat body was worth living. 

This is how much 2010 Bri craved thinness.

So even though my stubborn ass wouldn’t have listened, here are 6 things current Bri would have told her anyway, knowing all she could do would be to plant a seed for later.

 5 things I wish I had known before I had weight loss surgery even though it wouldn't have changed my mind 

1. The surgery is going to make you lose weight.  You will get compliments and new clothes. And there will be times you will feel good. But it won’t ever feel like enough. Enough for you to feel comfortable in your skin. Enough for your doctors to be satisfied with your progress. The goal post will always move.

2. You can pursue health and be healthy in a fat body. I know that’s not what you are being taught, but let’s explore what health looks like outside of thinness. And what you are pursuing now is not health, but the protection of judgement around health.

3. You deserve to be part of the memories no matter what your body looks like. Even if you are uncomfortable, don’t stop getting in the photos. You will look back with kinder eyes.

4. Changing your body will not change the body hatred you feel.  There is no surgery for that.

5. One day, you will be in a body bigger than you are today. And it will grieve you at first. But you will learn to live life in the body you have. Your life is going to be bigger, better and more beautiful than even dare to let yourself dream. And in the biggest body you fear.

I wish 2010 Bri could have understood how loved, how worthy, and how accepted she was even back then. That it didn’t mean she wouldn’t also experience rejection, pain + times of unbelonging. But it did mean that the people who truly accepted and loved her - already did. As is.  And will continue to - even if (when) her body changed.

I wish 2010 Bri could have understood how her desire for health wasn’t so much a desire for “health” but instead a desire for non-judgemental healthcare. I wish 2010 Bri could have known that the biased health care system was the problem, not her body.

I wish 2010 Bri had just ONE person in her life who lived in a larger body and didn’t actively hate it.

She didn’t have that person.  

So she became that person.   

In ep. 69 of the podcast, I talk all things weight loss surgery with my friend and internet mutual, Jay Salazar.

This episode explores both of our journeys to and through bariatric surgery, how Jay found intuitive eating AFTER he did surgery, and how we can all navigate the rocky terrain of food freedom + body acceptance in this fatphobic world.

In case you need the reminder today, you don't owe any one health to be worthy. 

You already are 🫶

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